An Open Letter to Kaley Cuoco, Who Has Been a Bit of a Bellend

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This has been said a million times before; and no doubt more eloquently and with more conservative use of the word bellend. But the fact of the matter is, that if you, as a male/female/any of the glorious things in-between, refuse to call yourself a feminist, then you are being a bellend. With that in mind, Kaley Cuoco’s recent comments about feminism (in an interview with Redbook magazine) make her look like a bit of a prat. It isn’t really her fault; she’s obviously uneducated on the topic, and it isn’t up to her to lead a feminist revolution. The fact is that feminism is currently having a ‘moment’ (see Beyonce, Chanel), and every famous female now gets asked their views on the subject. So here’s an open letter to her to prepare her for the next time she gets asked. It worked with that guy who got annoyed at Russell Brand over his lunch right? Or did everyone just tell him to shut the F up and put his paella in the microwave? Anyway.

Dear Kaley,

Bbz, this is going to seem a little harsh. You are just symptomatic of a bigger problem, and I’m sure you didn’t mean to upset anyone. So, sorry in advance, I’m sure you’re lovely and I’m really into the choices you’re making with your hair, if nothing else. Maybe we could go get a frappacino sometime?

When you got asked recently, if you are a feminist, you replied:

‘Is it bad if I say no? It’s not really something I think about. Things are different now.’

Kaley, your question made me do this:

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Yes, it is bad if you say no. If you say no, it means that you don’t believe men and women should be treated equally. If you say yes, it doesn’t mean that you want all men to burn in a fiery hell. It doesn’t mean that you have to let your boobs swing wildly while you, red faced, wave placards saying ‘I’LL CHOP YOUR NOB OFF’ in people’s faces. It doesn’t mean you have to start sporting pubic hair that grows halfway down your legs, or a luscious moustache. It just means that you want women to be as safe, as happy, as well paid and respected as men are. Things are different now, in some respects, but that doesn’t mean feminism is over and done with. You carried on:

‘I know a lot of the work that paved the way for women happened before I was aroundI was never that feminist girl demanding equality, but maybe that’s because I’ve never really faced inequality.’

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Aww, you poor little sausage, growing up white and middle class, in America, now incredibly wealthy and wanting for nothing. It’s a good job other people have already paved the way seeing as you’re so busy cracking jokes you didn’t write on a mediocre TV show, and giving taxing interviews about going horse riding and playing tennis. You’ve never faced inequality, so what? It doesn’t exist? If we didn’t care about things because they haven’t happened to us, we’d be living in some sort of dystopian nightmare (aka the Capitol in The Hunger Games). I’ve never been forced into marriage, but I still care that it happens. I’ve never been assaulted at work, or looked over for promotion because I might ‘do a baby’ in the next decade. But I still care that it happens, and most of us do, because we are living breathing humans with empathy. Your view, Kaley, is insufferably insular, and disrespectful to millions of women around the world. You daft arse (still like your hair tho)!

‘I cook for Ryan five nights a week: It makes me feel like a housewife. I love that. I know it sounds old-fashioned, but I like the idea of women taking care of their men. I’m so in control of my work that I like coming home and serving him. My mom was like that, so I think it kind of rubbed off.’ 

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RIGHT. STOP. Can we all please get rid of the idea that liking cooking makes you a non-feminist? You can like to cook and still be a ballsy, equality-loving badass. I like to cook. I cook for my boyfriend; not all the time, but a lot. I like it. He likes it. He also likes the fact that I have my own electric drill, and that I can put up furniture and paint a room (with no help at all Kaley! Not even from my dad!!). And I like the fact that he knows how to clean inside a microwave and is into potpourri. You can take care of your partner, feed them and nurture them, and it doesn’t mean you’re not a feminist. It just means you love them.

The issue I have, is with the word ‘serving’. No one should serve anyone. Kaley, pet, you clearly don’t understand the connotations behind the word, or understand that for millions of women, being subservient isn’t a choice. There is a difference between choosing to cook for your husband because you enjoy it, and being expected or made to cook/clean/keep quiet because you are a woman. I feel sometimes like I’m on that podium on Total Wipeout, where a massive stick swings around in a circle and knocks you into the water. I feel, Kaley, like I’m superglued to that podium, and the stick, covered in pictures of you, and Meghan Trainor and all the other ‘non-feminists’, keeps flying round and hitting me repeatedly in the face. And I’m shouting ‘WHY DON’T YOU GET IT! READ A FUCKING BOOK!’ but no one listens and my head falls off and I die.

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So yes, Kaley, while your words have no real effect apart from, y’know discouraging a generation of young women from believing in equality, it makes me feel like I’m being repeatedly punched in the face with your face. So kindly pack it in.

Ta,

Lucy

11 responses to “An Open Letter to Kaley Cuoco, Who Has Been a Bit of a Bellend

  1. Reblogged this on The Real Deal Show Reel and commented:
    ‘I’ve never been forced into marriage, but I still care that it happens. I’ve never been assaulted at work, or looked over for promotion because I might ‘do a baby’ in the next decade. But I still care that it happens, and most of us do, because we are living breathing humans with empathy. ‘

  2. Pingback: The F-word: a plethora of personal feminisms | Catherine and the Lion·

  3. Pingback: Open Letter to Kaley Cuoco from Feminist Lucy Bellerby | Synced Magazine·

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